HUNGNAPPED!

Dearest friends and loyal readers,

I apologize for the delay in posting- The entire Doodletown has been turning itself inside-out, searching for the lost Hung. Part of the delay was held back by the Doodletown PD, wanting to keep the entire Hungnapping hush-hush until all possible leads could be investigated.

The police have since allowed me to post part of the ransom note, that was sent to The Doodletown Daily Print News & Advertiser. The uncensored parts read as follows:

"...cannot allow such a devastation to exist further in the field of entertainment. William Hung is not an entertainer, nor do my people wish to be entertained by someone of his caliber....

...we demand a total cessation of William Hung's participation in the benefit concert. He will only be released when A) his family and/or agents send proof that he will no longer perform, B) said family/agents provide us with a Hung-holding fee of $500,000, and C) we have provided clippings of William Hung's hair, fingernails, and stool samples to show that we are serious..."

Deviants!

Roustabouts!

Who could commit such a selfless act of martyrdom? Aside from the fact that they really are doing the right thing, it's still a crime to Hungnap, but c'mon-

imagine a world free of further Hung involvement?

details to follow- the dragnet is drawing to a close-

MISSING!

Friends, Romans, Countrymen,

William Hung is Missing!

Last seen at the The Hustler Magazine Social Music Ampitheater, rehearsing his (snicker) act of making annoying, vapid mouth sounds. Details are scant at the moment; all we have to go on is that William Hung did not show up for dinner with a lady friend at the Doodletown Denny's.

Search parties are forming- if you want to join in the search, bring one torch and/or pitchfork to Doodletown Town Hall. All information leading to the recovery of William Hung should be directed to his website:

www.williamhung.net

Letter to the Editor: Jesus is None of My Business

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In Addition to Steven Seagal...

Great news, err, ummm...

Ok, news! William Hung just signed on to be the opening act for the Steven Seagal. He'll be singing, dancing, and whatever else the hell he does.

(Who the fuck is the booking agent? I mean really- William Hung? He's still around?)

Steven Seagal Benefit Concert

Tally Ho Music Lovers!

My BFF in the whole wide world, Steven Seagal, is such a stand up guy, he's going to give a benefit concert right here in Doodletown, USA!

My stars in heaven, there is nothing sweeter than music by Steven Seagal. Listening to his latest album, Mojo Priest, is like riding a mechanical bull, or pulling a wedged thong out of your girlfriend's crack, or catching yourself in your chair just before you tip back. It's totally awesome-good!

All proceeds will go towards the Doodletown Adult Literacy Fund. As Steven Seagal has said, "Reading is not an Executive Decision, it's the Fire Down Below"

www.stevenseagal.com

Mrs. Indecent

I don't like Tuesdays---
(tell me why)

I like Thursdays
It just sounds so guttural ---
and it's closer to the weekend.

P.S. my computer skills lack finesse, and Mr, Decents' farts often smell of ham.

I am with drink,,,,

Mrs. Indecent

PPsss... The sun is setting, the Simpsons are on and I must attend my Husband.

Nils and the Big 3-0

Longtime friend and former resident of Doodletown Nils Barth just hit the Big Thirty- Happy Birthday Nils! Mr. Decent salutes you!

Of course you know Nils Barth- he was the former owner of The Wizard's Blizzard, only the coolest comic book and role-playing hobby shop Doodletown had ever known. As Doodletown's official Dungeon Master, he had all of us half-orcs, paladins, and illusionists casting our ten-sided dice on basement tables to great glories of unspeakable fortune. If you think I'm joking, I'm gonna hit you on the head with my +2 bastard sword. Then I'm going to throw you into my portable hole.

Alas, there were greater glories in store for Nils Barth, as he sold The Wizard's Blizzard to Starbucks, who then turned the hobby shop into a Starbucks. Sure, we Doodletownians were saddened by the loss of our beloved role-playing leader, but as Nils himself said, "Dude, get out of your basement and go talk to chicks."

We did. We asked those chicks to meet us for coffee. And, when we were with those chicks at the new Starbucks, we'd pour a little bit of our lattes onto the ground, for the fallen heros, deities, litches, golems, clerics, halflings, and magic-users. A little salute to the gods and goddesses of other realms.

What's Nils up to now, you ask? He's across the pond in merry old England. What's Nils doing in England? He's kicking ass. And taking names. Last I heard, he was staring Year 30 down at a pub, and as soon as Year 30 opened his mouth, Nils smashed a pint glass into his jaw. Nils made 30 his bitch.

I wish I was there with you, Nils Barth- with my +2 bastard sword at my side.

To send Nils Barth an electronic birthday mail greeting, send it to nbarth@nbarth.net This guy kicks so much ass, they had to give him his own net-