Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Hacked!

Dear Citizens of Doodletown:

You have no doubt noticed a recent dearth of blog posts from your regular capitalist curmudgeon, Mr. Decent. It is not that he has run out of opinions. Far from it. In fact, he is still typing up his absurd meandering rants daily and -- to his knowledge -- posting them.

Unbeknownst to Mr. D., however, we have hacked into and taken over his silly little Web site. We didn't want to. We wanted to play nice. But he just kept rejecting our submissions.

We sent a photo of a turnip, you know to symbolize worldwide indifference to the genocide in Darfur. Not the Darfur in Sudan, the other one. And he just deleted it. Then we typed the alphabet backward into a text message and transmitted it to Mr. Decent via cellular phone. It was meant as a scathing critique of that week's "According to Jim." But he either didn't get the satire, or he actually ENJOYED that particular episode. In any case, he sent back a one-word text that read: "Suck it, el stupidos. I will not post this dreck."

Chastened by his harshness but not ready to wave the white flag of surrender, we shot a digital video in which both of us waved big white flags. The white flags of resilience. We sent it to Mr. Decent for inclusion on the blog. Apparently that bourgeouis hack misinterpreted the video as our surrender.

Out of peaceful options, we launched our cyberattack on his blog. It took like a month to figure out how to post anything. But now the blog is OURS!

Sincerely,Plan A and Plan B

Friday, May 9, 2008

HUNGNAPPED!


Dearest friends and loyal readers,
I apologize for the delay in posting- The entire Doodletown has been turning itself inside-out, searching for the lost Hung. Part of the delay was held back by the Doodletown PD, wanting to keep the entire Hungnapping hush-hush until all possible leads could be investigated.
The police have since allowed me to post part of the ransom note, that was sent to The Doodletown Daily Print News & Advertiser. The uncensored parts read as follows:
"...cannot allow such a devastation to exist further in the field of entertainment. William Hung is not an entertainer, nor do my people wish to be entertained by someone of his caliber....
...we demand a total cessation of William Hung's participation in the benefit concert. He will only be released when A) his family and/or agents send proof that he will no longer perform, B) said family/agents provide us with a Hung-holding fee of $500,000, and C) we have provided clippings of William Hung's hair, fingernails, and stool samples to show that we are serious..."
Deviants!
Roustabouts!
Who could commit such a selfless act of martyrdom? Aside from the fact that they really are doing the right thing, it's still a crime to Hungnap, but c'mon-
imagine a world free of further Hung involvement?
details to follow- the dragnet is drawing to a close-

Thursday, May 1, 2008

MISSING!


Friends, Romans, Countrymen,

William Hung is Missing!

Last seen at the The Hustler Magazine Social Music Ampitheater, rehearsing his (snicker) act of making annoying, vapid mouth sounds. Details are scant at the moment; all we have to go on is that William Hung did not show up for dinner with a lady friend at the Doodletown Denny's.

Search parties are forming- if you want to join in the search, bring one torch and/or pitchfork to Doodletown Town Hall. All information leading to the recovery of William Hung should be directed to his website:

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Letter to the Editor: Jesus is None of My Business

Fine and supple readers,

Every now and then I receive a letter at The Doodletown Daily Print News & Advertiser that is actually worth repeating. This little mindblast comes from our very own Mr. Christian, who I thought had left town after the FBI had raided and arrested all the suspected NAMBLA members of our fair city. Wrong! He's still here, and he's got some words for me:

"Dear Mr. Decent,

Something caught my eye today as I was settling into my daily rounds on the internet before finding my way to a trusty pornographic site, in order to unleash my eager swimmers into my lucky sock. Your revelation of a christian porn site has sent my man parts into an alarming state of hibernation. As a loyal reader and resident of Doodletown, I feel it necessary to voice my displeasure in the inclusion of such filth in an otherwise comprehensive source of information.

Firstly, including Jesus in my daily dose of t and a (and sometimes t and g: trannies and grannies) is like making me study during recess.


Next, Jesus might love porn stars, midgets, and possibly even Charles Manson, but Jesus is none of my business. Godliness is flaccidity, and you tell me what fine resident of our cosmopolitan community is interested in wet noodles. Well, I can tell you, fine sir, I have found not one among us.

Finally, I don't think Jesus shaved, and hairy porn is just gross.

Let this be a warning to you as I begin to amass an unruly mob of our neighbors toting torches and vibrating dildos, hellbent on extracting your visual organs and making love to your eyesockets. We know where you work, we know where you live, and I have promised my colleagues a skull-fucking gang-bang. So Churchy...you tell me, what's it gonna be?

With all due respect,
Mr. Christian"

Strong words. Strong, masculine words.

My response: Bring it on, Mr. Christian! You and your NAMBLA cohorts name the time-

I'll see you in the Octagon-




In Addition to Steven Seagal...


Great news, err, ummm...

Ok, news! William Hung just signed on to be the opening act for the Steven Seagal. He'll be singing, dancing, and whatever else the hell he does.

(Who the fuck is the booking agent? I mean really- William Hung? He's still around?)


Monday, April 28, 2008

Steven Seagal Benefit Concert


Tally Ho Music Lovers!

My BFF in the whole wide world, Steven Seagal, is such a stand up guy, he's going to give a benefit concert right here in Doodletown, USA!

My stars in heaven, there is nothing sweeter than music by Steven Seagal. Listening to his latest album, Mojo Priest, is like riding a mechanical bull, or pulling a wedged thong out of your girlfriend's crack, or catching yourself in your chair just before you tip back. It's totally awesome-good!

All proceeds will go towards the Doodletown Adult Literacy Fund. As Steven Seagal has said, "Reading is not an Executive Decision, it's the Fire Down Below"

Friday, April 25, 2008

Mrs. Indecent

I don't like Tuesdays---
(tell me why)

I like Thursdays
It just sounds so guttural ---
and it's closer to the weekend.

P.S. my computer skills lack finesse, and Mr, Decents' farts often smell of ham.

I am with drink,,,,

Mrs. Indecent

PPsss... The sun is setting, the Simpsons are on and I must attend my Husband.