The Maoist Uprising, Part 1

Help Good Citizenry!

The Doodletown Daily Print News & Advertiser has been overtaken by a Maoist uprising!

I'm hiding underneath my editor's desk, blogging you from my BlogBerry. Help me, patriotic brothers and sisters! Help me, oh dear sweet christians!

I should have seen it coming. The little red books scattered around the office, bright gold and red star decals plastered on the walls of the newsroom, the constant chanting and banner waving- it had all the makings of a Marxist-Leninist insurgency.

What's so strange is that we Doodletownians have such a good relationship with the Maoist encampment in Old Doodle Wood. You know the enclave, marketed to charter groups and tourists as "The Maoist Handicraft Village and Cultural Center". We Doodletown citizens just thought it was a capitalist ploy to ambush and snare (aka "tourist trap"), the kind of place you would take your step-kids on Sundays. I had no idea it had become a hotbed of communist rhetoric and revolutionary heroism.

Enough of this panicky panic-strickenness, I can't stand hiding anymore. I'm going to try to talk these rebels, and see if we can reach some peace accord.

Waving my handkerchief above the desk, I shout, "Ho! Maoists! I'm here to offer armistice!"

"Who is there? Answer us!" they chanted.

Slowly, I raised my head above the desk. "It is I, Mr. Decent, editor-in-chief of The Doodletown Daily Print News & Advertiser. Let us talk as men talk, and reach some affable treaty."

I got a better view of the Maoists; they looked like Anime characters, all doe-eyed and white skinned with really cool haircuts. They wore black peasant clothes, and some wore those cute little worker caps. All the insurgents were armed with rifles, machetes, and/or nunchucks. Then, through a space in the Maoists, I saw them- my two little bootspit interns, Plan A and Plan B! They were wearing rice-paddy hats, and brandishing AK-47's. Those little fuckers...

"We have seized control of your town's news-media! To quote The Chairman, 'Attack dispersed, isolated enemy forces first.' We shall use this media post to energize the true bastion of iron, the worker masses."

"Ostensibly so," I said, "but do not use war to end war. Let us sit and talk peace, Brother Maoists."

Then, Plan A walked up to one of the really cool-looking Maoists up front, and whispered in his ear. The Maoists glared at me, and said, "Comrade Alpha has just informed us that you're the town drunk, not a man of peace."

With that remark, I got right in that Maoist's face, and screamed, "Wrong, chico! I'm the town bastard!" I head-butted the cool-looking Maoist right between his little almond eyes.

I saw a twirling flash, and was hit in the back of the head by a nuchaku...darkness...

To Be Continued...